Thursday, July 17, 2014

Curly vs Straight

Bantu Knots on Flat ironed hair vs. stretched and air dried hair
I'm not comfortable in my straight hair anymore. I felt like I was wearing a wig. When I looked in the mirror---I didn't see me. I went to visit my family last week when someone literally grabbed a handful of my hair and said "This is the type of hair style that I like to see. Not that other bun thing that you had the other day." I replied---probably with a MAJOR 'tude---"Well take a picture, because I'm not doing my hair like this every week. Ain't nobody got time for that." I immediately walked away but heard her laugh and say, "Our hair ain't that good, you can't wear it like that."

Yes.

This is a true story.

No.

I couldn't make this up.

High Bun on flat ironed hair vs stretched and air dried hair
I'm a rainbow chasing, pixie dust sprinkling, glass pretty full kinda chica. I'm usually in my zone giggling at my own jokes. I truly believe that I'm the funniest person that I know. Ha-ha! Not a lot irks me nor am I easily offended. But this backhanded compliment stuck to me and I'm still mad almost a week later.

I don't believe that she was trying to be hurtful and I don't believe that her intent was to be mean-spirited or ignorant. But she was completely out of line and absolutely disrespectful.

Have your opinion. Share your perspective. But please, please, do not disrespect me or my choices. There is no "our hair" boo. There is your hair. There is my hair. Your hair might not be "that good" and that's your opinion. You might not want to "wear it like that" and that's your prerogative. However, my hair IS "that good" AND I will wear it however I feel like it.

Eventually this will be a distant memory. I won't care anymore. I won't be in my feelings. Yet still, it's comments like this that make me cringe. I believe in inclusion. I believe that we all have more in common than we think. I believe in encouragement. I love celebrating my hair and your hair too. Most importantly, I pray that women of all hair types and textures feel welcome at SavingOurStrands. And I sincerely hope that no one ever feels the way that I did that day when I got back handed by my straight hair.

How do you handle your hair haters?

Besitos!
KLP

22 comments :

  1. Wow!! I love the comment you threw at her! It was still nice! I swear I would have been rude had it been me. How do I deal with hair haters? Well...I don't. Major side eye. Massive eye rolling. And if it's someone I don't give a sh!t about, then a mean snarky comment. and then I forget about it. Like you said - it's MY hair, and I will wear it how I like.

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    1. I just wonder why they think that their opinion even matters? Sooo weird!

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  2. Giiiirrrrlllll, if there's a "It's my hair, I'll wear it how I please, why can't we all just get along, but rememeber your opinion is strictly YOUR opinion" bus driving around, please have it pick me up.

    I think the most annoying backhanded comment I've received recently is "OMG your hair actually looks done now!" when wearing my hair flat ironed one day instead of my usual textured, fluffy ponytails, buns, or bobs). I've pretty much mastered my response: the slow blink.... which makes the person feel uncomfortable and realize what they've actually said. Via email (yes people are that bold) I just ignore the email. I've accepted that hair haters are just part of this healthy hair journey and just fahgetaboutem... I just don't care anymore lol.

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    1. That bus needs to pick me up too!!!!

      I have an even better story---I was at a sorority lock in (kinda like a sleep over) and we had to share secrets that we've never told anyone on a piece of paper then mix it up and try to figure out who it was. Someone wrote "I've never had a relaxer." Everyone thought that it was me!! I was like---dang y'all what in the world is that supposed to mean!?! Ha-ha!

      Hair haters goin hate I guess!

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  3. This is why we remained segrated. Its horrible what can come out of the side of people's necks! Good hair is well taken care of hair, that's the definition, that's it! Only ignorant people think that there is a difference!

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    1. Girllll...There is nothing worse than someone parading around their opinion like it's a fact. And honestly, I feel bad for her at the fact that she doesn't think that her hair is "good." It's growing out of your head and it's healthy---how could it not be "good"?

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  4. Hoppfully there was no bad intention. Maybe she just saw your hair and knew how much effort there is behind straighten your hair and wanted to give you a comment about that. Most people are not mean. They say things and it hurts and I think it is important so nicely let them know that it wasn't appricioated. Then you might eliminate the risk of somebody else being hurt. I would have said something like "you know, when you tell me that my natural hair is not good enoug, it makes me sad because that is how I was born. I thnk I am a good person and that the way I was born is more than good enough. " it might seem a little bit to nice but the purpose is to help the person understand why it hurt so much. Cos I honestly don't think people like this understand other people, perhaps not even them selves.

    You look great in both straight and curly hair, cos you have a great smile and anything matches a great smile :)

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    1. You are sweeter than a strawberry Lisa! I absolutely don't think that she was trying to be hurtful. In her own...rude...way she was trying to be helpful. "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”

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  5. I would have felt some kind of way too. My mother is always picking at my new growth calling it "nappy," I know its my mother and she means no harm, but its still kind of hurts. Your hair looks great either way, just try to ignore the comments. Its sad that she is still stuck in the mindset of african american women's hair as not good in its natural state or not good when its not bone straight. I don't like that about our culture...

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    1. I just kinda think that it's funny that my hair---that is down my back for pete's sake---is called "not that good" LOL.

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  6. You know I haven't spent much time with my extended family in the last three years of hair journey. My mother had to get used to the perm every 12+ weeks but my brother doesn't care as long as I visit and my nieces think I'm flipping awesome no matter what. Knowing my extended family though they would probably be all kinds of rude as they still keep asking me when I'm going to have kids and don't I feel unfulfilled without kids and you know you're getting kind of old to not have kids--that conversation started at 25 or about 13 years ago lol.

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    1. Sometimes I feel like my fuzzy edges matter more to them than it does to me. As if in some way, my unkempt (in their eyes) appearance makes them look bad, I mean...it really ain't that serious right?

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  7. Great come back! Once i'm 8 weeks post my co-workers usually ask " when are you getting a relaxer" , I often look around and say "when i'm ready and there nothing wrong with my hair"

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    1. Let me live!!!! LOL. I scream it in my head but just smile and nod in real life. LOL.

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  8. KLP you were way more nice than i would have been. Family does seem to be more opinionated than most people we know, but that does not mean we always need to hear it. You are fine doing whatever is best for your hair and your lifestyle.

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    1. Thanks Jas! Her comments definitely won't change my approach to my hair care---I'm just shocked that she took it there! Like---really tho? Some things are better left unsaid!

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  9. UGH!! I hate these backhanded statements, too! Idk if it's because I love my hair and work hard for it, I hate ignorance, or that I don't like unsolicited opinions imposed on my life choices. Maybe a combo of all three? Either way I LOVE your statement "there is no our hair"! Seriously, last time I checked this thickness was allll mine. She sounds quite insecure about her own hair to me, which is sad. I usually respond with a *blank stare* followed by a polite statement of how wrong they are :) lol great post!

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    1. Haters always gonna hate. The best revenge comes in the form of a MBL hair flip, eye roll and sashay exit!

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  10. OMG something similar literally happened to me a few minutes ago! A family member (who is usually good at unintentionally always saying the exact wrong thing) said, 'You're hair looked so pretty on the blog the other day. Will you keep straightening it now?" I replied "No, it looks this healthy because I stopped straightening it all the time, I'll wear it like I have been wearing it" then she said, "So you're going to wear it frizzy all the time?" Yes, I'll wear it as frizzy as possible every day, thankyouverymuch. In her defense, she doesn't really understand my hair and she really didn't mean to be offensive, but still! When my hair is such a huge part of my life, it's hard to hear people make comments like that about the natural state of my hair!

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    1. If frizzy is healthy then BRING ON THE FRIZZ baby! I'd much rather have big long hair than straight heat damaged hair anytime!

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  11. I never understand how people say things like that and think it's okay. It's so hurtful, but then maybe they don't think about what they're saying. I get a lot of compliments about my hair, regardless of whether it's straight, curly, frizzy, up or down, thankfully. Occasionally though, people say back-handed things along with the compliment like 'mixed people have nice hair', 'you're hair is so long, are you sure you're not wearing extensions?' or 'is that your real hair?' with an accusatory finger *blinks*. I always find that really frustrating and I make it clear that I'm not happy about what's said. That doesn't stop people saying it though, so I guess you've just got to take it in your stride and not let it get to you. 'Haters gon' hate' regardless unfortunately! Your hair is beautiful straight and curly x

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  12. I totally take the weave comments as compliments. Like reallyyyyy my hair is so gorgeous that you don't think it's real?!? I must be doing something right. LOL.

    I do DESPISE when people assume that mixed heritage automatically means that you should have hair down your back. I had to work for this---don't blame it on my heritage!

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