Within hours of meeting me, my husband's father said "You're going to be my daughter in law. You and DJ are like ying and yang. You'll fit perfectly together." Ever since that day, perfect is the only adjective that describes my marriage.
A Perfect Mess.
My hubby and I live in a perfect dichotomy. A messy. A goofy. A complicated. A simple. A heart wrenching. A heart warming broken dichotomy. It's taken me 6 years to realize that my marriage is supposed to be this way.
We're Perfectly Imperfect.
"I'm a great runner and I'm a great hider. I'm insincere and I'm boastful. I'm blunt and I'm impatient. I'm rude and I'm cold. I've never quite felt worthy. I've never quite felt like I wasn't alone. I've never quite understood why I should be loved. The walls that that I have up were initially built for protection, now they are like a prison for my heart. I'm beautifully jacked up and imperfect in almost every way. But here you are. Beside me. You are patient with me anyway. You are tolerant with me anyway. You are persistent anyway. You stay anyway. You fight for me anyway. You won't let me run anyway. You love me anyway. Thank you for loving me.
I've been terrified to let you in; Afraid that you'll really see what perfectly jacked joker up I am.
You'll run the other way...
You'll run faster than I could possibly chase...
You'll run like everyone else...
But today, I'm standing before you fearless. I'm not afraid to be compassionate anymore. I'm not afraid to be kind anymore. I'm not afraid to be gentle anymore. I'm not afraid to be patient anymore. I'm not afraid to let you love me---even with all of my mess---anymore. I'm not afraid to just be still--To just be close. I want to be closer to you and I understand that I can't get closer to you with a veil between us. Will I be perfect? Never. Will it be hard? Always. I'm a perfect mess and I thank you in advance for loving me regardless."
I'm so thankful for my perfectly imperfect marriage and I'm even more grateful for the realization that perfection is totally overrated.
Wondering how I came to my a-ha moment? Take a took at Jennifer Smith's A Wife After God. I promise that it will change your life and your marriage.